Numero Uno: What is a player?
A player is a man who is afraid of commitment. He has no qualms about lying to get what he wants from a woman, and hops from girl to girl without worrying about their feelings, or really developing any of his own. He promises the world to get a lady into bed only to leave his conquest bewildered when he can't get his pants back on fast enough. He might carry on a relationship for a short while, but if she starts talking about commitment or bringing over too many personal effects, he'll bolt so fast her head will spin.
Dos: What makes a player? What gives him "Game"?
There are three different "Aces" a player can have up his sleeve: Good looks, Charm and Money.
- The guy with only the good looks is probably the worse. For the first ten years of his life, his mother told him how gorgeous he was. Since then, all the girls have wanted him, so his ego is way over inflated and he truly believes that he's God's gift to women, despite the fact that he's broke and has no personality.
- The guy with only the charm surprises many. This is where the Beauty and The Beast phenomenon comes in. There is truth behind the expression "charming one's pants off". He may not have the best hand, but a single ace has been know to win the game.
- The guy with only the money is probably the least trusting. He was a geek and couldn't get a girl to save his life before he was rich, and is kind of disgusted by how many women are interested in him now that he's has amassed a fortune. He uses them without a second thought, as he assumes they are using him. Gaining his trust will not be easy.
Tres: Can a player change his ways?
Sure he can. If he meets his Cinderella. Think back to the movie. Prince Charming could marry any girl he wanted, but none suited him. They had to have a ball and invite every girl in the kingdom. Of all of the girls there vying for his attention, which girl did he want? The one that ran away, of course.
Unless this player is fundamentally unable to love, which is another set of problems altogether, he will probably meet his match at some point. The girl who calls him on his crap, doesn't give him a free pass just because he's cute. The song "When A Man Loves A Woman" is very true. When a man loves a woman, there's nothing he wouldn't do, including hanging up his player jersey to trade it in for minivan keys.
Quattro: Can you change a player?
Some women enter relationships with players thinking they will be the one to turn him. Big mistake. If you know full well you're dealing with a player, and still want to go for it, be warned: you may just end up being another notch on his belt, not necessarily his Cinderella.
Still, I know the attraction can be impossible to ignore at times, so if you must try to turn this fling into a relationship, take your time. Be independent. Don't call him, let him call you.
Some will say that this advice is like playing a game, but I see it like a cute little bunny rabbit: if you approach it too quickly, it will run away.
In dealing with players in general, it would be good to heed my dad's old advice: Walk softly and carry a big stick!