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Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Can A Player Ever Change His Ways?

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The title of this article really caugh my attention: Can a player ever truly be married? on endswithmarriage.com, written by an author who calls himself "Casper Flash Jones".  I thought is was a funny concept, and it completely inspired me to create this post.

Numero Uno: What is a player?

A player is a man who is afraid of commitment. He has no qualms about lying to get what he wants from a woman, and hops from girl to girl without worrying about their feelings, or really developing any of his own. He promises the world to get a lady into bed only to leave his conquest bewildered when he can't get his pants back on fast enough. He might carry on a relationship for a short while, but if she starts talking about commitment or bringing over too many personal effects, he'll bolt so fast her head will spin.

Dos: What makes a player? What gives him "Game"?

There are three different "Aces" a player can have up his sleeve: Good looks, Charm and Money.
  • The guy with only the good looks is probably the worse. For the first ten years of his life, his mother told him how gorgeous he was. Since then, all the girls have wanted him, so his ego is way over inflated and he truly believes that he's God's gift to women, despite the fact that he's broke and has no personality.
  • The guy with only the charm surprises many. This is where the Beauty and The Beast phenomenon comes in. There is truth behind the expression "charming one's pants off". He may not have the best hand, but a single ace has been know to win the game.
  • The guy with only the money is probably the least trusting. He was a geek and couldn't get a girl to save his life before he was rich, and is kind of disgusted by how many women are interested in him now that he's has amassed a fortune. He uses them without a second thought, as he assumes they are using him. Gaining his trust will not be easy.
The better the hand, the bigger the player. The triple threat obviously being the biggest gamble: he's charming, he's good looking, he has money: he's every woman's dream. He's freaking Prince Charming, and he knows it.

Tres: Can a player change his ways?

Sure he can. If he meets his Cinderella. Think back to the movie. Prince Charming could marry any girl he wanted, but none suited him. They had to have a ball and invite every girl in the kingdom. Of all of the girls there vying for his attention, which girl did he want? The one that ran away, of course.

Unless this player is fundamentally unable to love, which is another set of problems altogether, he will probably meet his match at some point. The girl who calls him on his crap, doesn't give him a free pass just because he's cute. The song "When A Man Loves A Woman" is very true. When a man loves a woman, there's nothing he wouldn't do, including hanging up his player jersey to trade it in for minivan keys.

Quattro: Can you change a player?

Some women enter relationships with players thinking they will be the one to turn him. Big mistake. If you know full well you're dealing with a player, and still want to go for it, be warned: you may just end up being another notch on his belt, not necessarily his Cinderella.

Still, I know the attraction can be impossible to ignore at times, so if you must try to turn this fling into a relationship, take your time. Be independent. Don't call him, let him call you.

Some will say that this advice is like playing a game, but I see it like a cute little bunny rabbit: if you approach it too quickly, it will run away.


In dealing with players in general, it would be good to heed my dad's old advice: Walk softly and carry a big stick!


Much Love, 
Felicia


7 comments:

  1. I would ad a fourth and fifth ace to the deck, artistic license. Pheronomes are a big bonus for some and playing lead guitar. : ) Musicians, even poor ones, can break all the rules.

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  2. Oh how right you are Diana! I think this falls under the category of charm... but yes musicians sure have their charms... proceed with caution! LOL xx

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  3. Great post, I love the triple threat concept. Your right a player can change his ways, if he finds Cinderella.

    Felicia where you ever a player?

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  4. HAHA! No not a player myself, but I have dealt with my fair share!

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  5. this is really great advise...
    right now im totally falling for this player and im hoping to be his cinderella ....
    any other advise????

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  6. I am a "reformed" player, and I am married with two kids. Been with my wife for over ten years now, married for the last 5. I still have "player" instincts and when my wife withdraws emotional and physical intimacy (which many of you women do for all kinds of reasons, admit it or not) then I get a real devil of an instinct kicking in: Get it elsewhere. I am very seductive. I make "decent" money and I am "okay" looking but it's my personality and charm and conversation skills that are my main game. I can dazzle even the best looking woman and my (unexpected) confidence and "don't give a f*** attitude" draws them in like bugs to a lightbulb. I know I still have the skills because I test them with flirting from time to time although I have never cheated on my wife. I don't want to cheat but being married and feeling lonely seems like such a cruel joke, when I try to work so hard and do things for my wife, kids and home. Players: if you're a player do not apologize for this. Everyone wants to change you. If going from girl to girl is what you truly want, then do that. If you decide to "reform" like I did, be prepared because you might find yourself very frustrated. Not everyone is built to be monogamous. Ignore the feminists who think that all men do and desire comes from an evil place. Women who are seduced by players are just as much to blame as men who seduce. They want to be swept away by uncaring a-holes - their mission is to CHANGE us. Look, I love my wife and would walk on hot coals for her. But our love life is dismal, and it's killing me because I am in my forties now - the last "decent" decade of my life and spare me the "viagra/seniors sex" thing. When I think of 50+ people having sex I want to vomit. So no, I don't want to spend the next nine years imagining what a good sex life could be like, and no, I don't want to cheat on my wife. Ha ha. Joke is on me! I always "just wanted to get f***ed." And now, I'm REALLY f***ed. Be honest with yourself. Know who you are. Don't try to be something society wants you to be. You might become more "politically correct" but you might also become very miserable. Commitment has it's ups and downs and is not the relationship panacea women want it to be and offer it as.

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  7. I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness anonymous.

    Just to be clear, I didn't say the player HAS to change. I just said that he probably will, on his own, when the right woman comes along. If anything, I'm trying to discourage women from thinking they can change him.

    While I don't necessarily want to think about what 50+ year old sex looks like... I'm thinking it will grow on me by then. 40 year old men were very unappealing to me when I was 18... but now that I'm 33, they look just fine. I'm thinking the same will be true by then... I hope.

    One last thought. Life is very short, so if you are, in fact, as miserable as you say, perhaps you should re-evaluate. Is it monogamy or the relationship itself that is the real issue?

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