Going Insane: my (hopefully) funny view on parenting

Pin It Disclaimer:  I'm gonna do a lot of complaining here, but rest assured, I love my boys.  They are the cutest, sweetest, most beautiful boys I have ever seen - When they are sleeping!!!

The other 14 hours of the day, they are pretty much just loud.
And they are driving me CRAZY!

They are getting older and don't necessarily come get us the moment they wake up anymore, so we invariably wake up to a mess, or worse, someone starts to cry his eyes out because the other one just kicked / punched / pushed / hit / threw a toy at or spit on him.

Oh yes, you read correctly.  Somewhere along the way, they decided that spitting on people, or the floor in the house was appropriate behaviour.  WTF?!

OK, I should say they haven't done that in a long time, mainly because this is what I turned in to the last time I went into their room to tell them to hush and go to bed and stepped in a puddle of spit:

Annnyway - 

As I was saying, our mornings start out a little rough and now comes the morning rush.

I'm on disability right now, but I don't want to get into that right now... another post - another day.

OK, so the morning rush is much better at the moment since I don't actually have to worry about getting my own derrière to work, but with Ty starting school, I do have to respect a certain schedule.  I was kinda getting used to waltzing in to daycare whenever, and this is new.

By the time I get them both fed and dressed, I prepare Ty's lunch and snacks, get the backpacks filled, mediate two or three fights, probably at least one siren  (you know, when they start to cry and it starts off like an old time police siren) and get them off to school / daycare, I'm already kind of tired.  If I had to up and leave for work at that moment, I might just sit and cry.

Awesome Street Art : theCHIVE

Pin It More on bipolar disorder and depressing stuff another day -

Today,

I just want to share something amazing I found while surfing the net:

Awesome Street Art : theCHIVE

This one was my favorite, it looks so real, but click the link to see all 30 pics. (and make sure you come back here!)

It's amazing what the imagination can create when allowed to run completely free, and what the eye can be fooled into believing, isn't it?

These kinds of finds make the "Artiste" in me very very happy.

PS:  Totally off subject, how do you like the blog redesign?  Are the colours easy on the eyes?  Do you like my new logo pic? 

I must say I'm in love with my new caption:

"Welcome to Felicianation

Where imagination meets fascination

and creates a new dimension"

But What do you think?

So The truth about me is... I have bipolar disorder

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So I've told you before that I was diagnosed with my first depression when I was 17, but there's so much more to my story that I haven't revealed. 

First of all, the fact that I was diagnosed at 17 doesn't mean that it was my first depressive episode.

I had a very hard time fitting in as a child, and I think, knowing now what I couldn't know then, I could have been diagnosed as early as 8 years old.

That being said, my first diagnosis was still a very hard blow to my ego. I was opinionated and outspoken, I was perceived as strong and unshakable; but somehow I was depressed. How could I fall? I was Felicia-May Stevenson! 

To me, this was a sign of weakness, and it was very hard for me to accept, but I most certainly did fall, and it was a long spiral to the bottom, and an even longer climb to the top.

I thankfully finished my senior year of high school, but I only attended French classes as it was the only course I really needed for my diploma. Having had good grades all through high school saved my but here. I started college, but that was short lived, as my psychologist called my mother, and suggested that I should quit for a while.

Oh yes, you read correctly. My psychologist called my mother! And people wonder why I don't trust doctors...

For the next few years, I saw doctors on and off, going through periods lasting months where I felt great, and then getting depressed again. I'd go on anti-depressants, start to feel better and then start to feel like the meds were somehow altering my personality, so I'd quit them again.

Eventually, when I was 23 and feeling really low, my doctor asked if I thought it would be OK to get a second opinion: he wanted to send me to a shrink. I eagerly accepted as I was going through hell and really needed someone to speak to.

And speak I did.

I remember that day, sitting across from him for the first time, feeling instantly comfortable with him: I opened up easily and answered all of his questions without hesitation. I remember glancing outside and being disturbed by the sight of a dead dear sprawled out on a pick-up truck. (gosh I HATE that)

Eventually the hour ended, and he gave me a prescription for something I'd never heard about and asked to see me again in a month. I remember feeling better as I left his office, as I had unburdened myself, and I felt a million pounds lighter.

Of course, the first thing I did when I got home was look this medication up online: Epival. I clicked on the first search result and started reading, and there it was; black on white, under indications it stated:

Divalproex belongs to the family of medications called anticonvulsants. It is used to manage and control certain types of seizures, like epilepsy. It can be used alone or in combination with other seizure control medications. It is also used for people 18 years of age and older with manic depression (bipolar disorder) to treat manic episodes.

Obviously, he didn't think I had epilepsy, and it dawned on me for the first time that I'd been sent to him for a diagnosis. He wasn't there to listen. He was there to label me: Bipolar!!!

I don't know how long I sat there, staring in shock at the screen, all color draining from my face. I had suspected in the past that this might be the case, but to have it confirmed was like my worse nightmare come true. Every time I'd come out of a depression, I'd had this hope, like this was the last one. I'd tell myself: "I will never fall into that dark hole again", but this changed everything: there was no hope. The darkness would be with me forever. That terrifying dark hole would never be far away, and I would always be one step away from falling in.

Overjoyed - a personal update on my journey

Pin It I was kind of feeling too tired to come on and post, but there's nothing like a hot bath to rejuvenate you.  

This will be a short post, but I just wanted to share with all of you how overjoyed I am that I decided to start this journey.

Though I'm also kind of wondering what took me so long - I refuse to concentrate on the negative, all of the time I've wasted.

Instead, I am filled with an overwhelming feeling that I've finally found my way.  

In just 14 days:

• I've gotten 680 page views, with a whopping 103 yesterday, my biggest day yet!

• I've been featured on another blog, have gotten loads of positive feedback (mostly from friends and family - but even from a few strangers!

• People I don't know have started to add me on twitter and I even got my first retweet from a stranger today!

And now, and this is the part that brought me from "happy" to "bubbling over with joy":

• I got my first stranger following me publicly today!!!  

Marilyn Gervais, as promised in my header, I will love you for ever and ever!

Some artwork I dug up - and it's actually mine! Line Drawings

Pin It Hello Again!

I came accross these line drawings as I was going through some keepsakes looking for things worth sharing.  I used to do these while watching television, drawing lines until an image would start to take form, and go from there...

The exact dates are unsure, but I'd gather they were right before the kids...so circa 2004-2005.

My only disclaimer:  I told you my mind was crazy beautiful.

one of my firsts...

Bad fishy...

I really like the woman, and the talking heads in this one

Would you believe me if I told you I never did hard drugs?

I think this one's my fave...

This guy kinda reminds me of Steven Tyler... though I swear I wasn't trying!

Before he got coloured by MS Paint

I love dragons.  I'm not usually very good at drawing them though!

Top five teasons why birthdays ROCK - especially mine! - Another illustrated short story by Felicia Stevenson

Pin It I know a lot of people hate birthdays, but I don't really understand why.

To help you understand why I think they are completely wrong, I've created a list of my top five reasons why birthdays ROCK, especially mine.

Reason #1 Why Birthdays ROCK, especially mine:

Show me the Love

People are nice to you and show you love all day long, every where you go.

Granted, of course, that they know it's your birthday:
I've found that wearing an "it's my birthday" t-shirt and/or hat helps them to clue-in quicker.

Reason #2 Why Birthdays ROCK, especially mine:

I get to be Queen for the day.  Even though I will be 33 this year, my mother still makes me ANY meal of my choosing.  I usually ask for home made egg rolls or a turkey dinner.  My mom's home made egg rolls are the best damn egg rolls I've ever tasted, hands down.  I'm actually starting to drool as I think of them...

♥Mom, I think I know what I want for dinner this year.♥

Reason #3 Why Birthdays ROCK, especially mine:


There's usually a party, and if you're old enough, which I am, it usually involves ALCOHOL!!!
Plus! People sing for you! (all though not always in tune - but the alcohol helps here)

Reason #4 Why Birthdays ROCK, especially mine:
(And this one is MAJOR)

There's cake!  And on my birthday, it's chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate fudge.

I don't think this point requires any further explanation, do you?

cake.mmmm.

And last, but certainly not least,

Reason #5 Why Birthdays ROCK, especially mine:

A present, for me?!

There's PRESENTS!!!  I LOVE presents!  Plus!  On my birthday, they're for ME!  YAY!!!

See?!  Birthdays are awesome, no ifs, ands, or buts about it!

Haha!

Much Love, 

Felicia

Passenger - A revealing look into the crazy/beautiful mind of Felicia Stevenson

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I was first medically diagnosed with depression at the age of seventeen, thanks to a girl at school who'd been there and recognized the signs in me. 

But I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life.  In fact, for as far back as I can remember.  

When I was younger, I put my parents through hell trying to deal with my depression.

Nowadays, I tend to retreat when the dark times come, as I don't want to burden anyone with my sorrows.

I mean, who likes a Debbie Downer, right?

I originally wrote this April 7 of this year, I think it represents my struggle well, and I must say, I like the way I wrote it, so even though it's a little dark, I've decided to share it with all of you.  

There’s a passenger that travels with me all of the time;

a negative entity that threatens to devour my soul  

For years it has followed wherever I have gone,

and while it’s been quiet at times, 

perhaps even dormant,

it always returns to haunt my waking dreams

Darkness that wraps me so tightly it takes my breath away, 

and as all light slowly disappears,

my sight narrows, and all beauty and joy fades away,

eclipsed by the shadows of my sorrows

Then there’s another side of me,

one that's dying to be set free;

a positive being that knows its own worth

One that sees the pain in this world

and wants desperately to ease it’s misery;

a creative force that sees beauty in every person and in every thing,

but still hasn’t found the medium to express its message

I am split down to my core,

as the light of life and darkness of death fight for my soul,

and while my spirit is trapped in this body, 

my essence is not of this world

So I continue to struggle with my duality

as I try to find my path

or await my turn 

to dissolve into nothingness. 

How to: Water Marble Nail Art

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As an artist, the world is my canvas.

I love to create beauty everywhere I look, and that includes myself.

To me, hair, make-up, nail colours, clothing, shoes, coats, hats, purses, etc. are all tools to be used in creating a work of art: the perfect look.

I am a girly girl for sure, and am forever fascinated by both fashion and style.

While surfing youtube the other day, I came across a series of videos by this girl showing really cool effects that can be done with nail polish.

This one really caught my attention:

Her creativity is astonishing, isn't it? 

 I'd really like to know who came up with this idea in the first place and how!!!

Of course, I just had to try it out, check out my results below:

I must say: this was very time consuming! (two base coats, taping each finger, the water coat, two top coats and considerable curing time for such a thick application - 5 coats if you're counting!)

Total time: almost two hours!!!

The results do speak for themselves though, it looks like a professional manicure, and I'm quite pleased.  Probably for special occasions only, but it's a cool trick to know for sure!

I did my thumbs and index fingers with the recommended white base coats, but I did a pink base on all my other nails.  I then only used the pink, purple and silver as my design colours. The pictures don't really show the designs on the darker nails, but they look pretty cool as well.

Let me know if you decide to try it out!