More on Bipolar Disorder - My Wandering Mind

Pin It Sometimes when I'm watching television, my mind wanders.  I get lost so deep in thought that when the show ends, I'm jolted back to reality as the white noise ends when the TV switches back to the PVR menu (I very rarely watch live TV... I'm spoiled like that).

What's more, I couldn't tell you in the least what happened during the program.  Or maybe I was paying attention for the first part, but I completely missed the conclusion, so I have to rewind and watch again.  Sometimes I do this more then once.  It's not even because I'm not interested, I just can't seem to stop my mind from wandering.

Sometimes I'll be talking to someone and the same thing happens.  I used to be such a good listener, but nowadays, it's like I've developed Attention Deficit Disorder, if that's even possible at my age.  There are times where it is a great physical exertion to try and concentrate on what the other person is saying and actually absorb the information.  Again, a lack of interest is not the issue, I don't know what is.

I used to be an avid reader, but sometimes I find myself re-reading the same page over and over again, because though my eyes are skimming the text, nothing is actually sinking in.

The other day, as I was reading through a wonderful blog I recently started to follow, I came upon this entry, and I thought I'd share an exert with you as it really struck a cord with me.

Bipolar II: Newly Diagnosed: Looking but not seeing; Listening but not hearing:

"We're having a conversation. I just finished speaking and now it's your turn. I'm staring right into your eyes. I'm nodding my head. It would appear that I'm in perfect control of the situation. On the surface"..."While I'm holding your gaze and nodding my head, my mind wanders. Sometimes it's thinking about what I'll be doing later, what I'd rather be doing that moment, making a mental grocery list...Mostly I'm blocking out all background noise and creating an area where nothing exists. No decisions have to be made...and I won't be able to recall any of this in mere moments. Life takes place all around me. Time passes without meaning. without feeling"..."Instances are ignored. Feelings get hurt. Tears fall. Very little control." (read the whole post by clicking above)

Top 5 movies that will make you cry like a baby

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Well, maybe that's just me.  But surely you'll shed a tear or two.

You just might be heartless if you don't. ;)

1. My Girl

I was only 13 years old when this 1991 production came along.  The star studded cast, with Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis, Macaulay Culkin and then newcomer Anna Chlumsky, was wonderful.  It's a beautiful coming of age story, and it ends well, but when Thomas J, played by Culkin dies, and the young Veda (played by Chlumsky) loses it at his funeral, well I sobbed.  I didn't just tear up a little bit.  I'm talking waterfalls and heaving.  "Wake up, Thomas J, let's go climb a tree...Where are his glasses?  He can't see without his glasses!..."  To this day, I still can't watch that scene without losing it.

2. A Little Princess

A remake of the Shirley Temple classic, this is a story about a young girl sent to live at boarding school while her father goes off to war.  But when her father dies, she's forced to become a slave in the school where she was once one of the richest girls in attendance.  It's a beautiful movie, very visually stimulating, with a few magical scenes.  The scene at the end, where she finds her father alive and he doesn't recognize her, tore my heart out.  "Daddy!!! Daddy, it's me!  Don't you recognize me!?" More heaving, more sobbing...

Having seen both versions, I definitely recommend the newer production.  Shirley Temple was really cute, but she wasn't much of an actress, at least not by today's standards.  

Top 10 Chick Flicks Ever - Well, According to me Anyway...

Pin It When creating this list I asked myself:  what are the common qualities that make a chick flick great?

• Obviously, you need a heroine we will like, and a hunk we will want, but that goes without saying, now doesn't it?

• I think as a common theme to most of my choices, the soundtrack is crucial.  The music has to be amazing, and perfectly harmonized to the emotions being portrayed.  A musical montage helps a lot, especially if it includes shopping or many costume changes, and dancing is also good.

• If the woman is at some point empowered, or gets to "stick it" to a man who's done her wrong, all the better. 

All of or a selection of the criteria above is important, but the storyline is crucial.  The love story needs to be amazing, complicated, funny, and, most importantly: it must end well.

When all of these elements come together in the perfect combination, well, the right chick flick can leave us feeling almost euphoric, stronger, even more hopeful for the future.

Anyway... without further ado, here are My Top 10 Choices for the Best Chick Flicks Ever (in no particular order):

1. Pretty Woman
This, to me, was the original chick flick.  This movie had it all:  a beautiful love story, an amazing soundtrack along with a great shopping montage, the most amazing date you could ever imagine, diamonds, and an amazing ending, what more could a girl want?

 I was only about 11 years old when I saw it in the theatre.  I ended up renting it about 30 times before my sister bought it for me for Christmas one year, tired of seeing me spend money on it.

2. Dirty Dancing
I must have been about 14 years old before I ever saw this one.  This is the actual original chick flick.  Music, dance, costumes, love: it's got it all; even Patrick Swayze, all young and hot looking.  I think the part I liked best about this movie was that Baby wasn't too much of a looker.  It made a girl hopeful, you know, that even if she wasn't the prettiest, maybe she could get the hot guy.

3. Raising Helen
This little gem with Kate Hudson also features hunky John Corbett, whom you may remember as Aidan from Sex and the City.  When her sister dies suddenly, single girl played by Kate inherits her three children, and her life of course, is turned completely upside down.  In comes Pastor Dan (played by Corbett) to save the day.  With Hayden Pannetiere and a very young Abigail Breslin, the kids just stole my heart.

4. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Ladies, if you haven't seen this yet, it's high time you do.  Especially if you're single, because you might just find out why you are from watching this film.  Kate Hudson graces us again with her dazzling smile, but this time her co-star is the MEGA HOT Matthew McConaughey! The storyline is hilarious, and their chemistry is amazing: this is definitely a "must-watch" film!

How to wear slouch boots - my interpretation

Pin It So the other day I bought myself a GORGEOUS pair of purple slouch boots - and every one knows how much I LOVE purple!!!

I bought mine at Giant Tigre for $20, but I found this picture online of Steve Madden Boots, and they are exactly the same!

And by exactly, I mean in look.  I'm sure the Steve Madden boots are real suede and better quality.  Yadiyadida.

How many seasons are purple slouch boots going to be "in" for?  Why would I invest $160 in a fad, when I can get the same look for much, much less?

So I googled some ideas on how to wear them, and they recommend the skinny pant tucked in, but also mention that it's important to add weight up top to balance out the chunkiness of the boot.

I got to wear them the other day as the weather has dropped drastically lately:

I love the look... And it was all very inexpensive:

• The sweater dress was a $10 find at Fairweather last year.  Gosh I love that store!  
• I'm wearing a $3 liquidation long sleeve t-shirt from Smart Set (also love them, but only worth shopping the sales - their regular prices are ridiculous, considering the quality of their merchandise)  
• My pashmina was a gift, but they can be purchased almost anywhere for as little as $10 (depending on the quality of course).  
• My purse, pictured below, was found at a pharmacy of all places.  It was marked $25, but scanned for $15 - SCORE!!!  I love how original it is, and as an added bonus, the interior is awesome.
• My jeans are just an old pair of well worn jeans that I love deeply - and I think they were from a friend.

Total cost for the whole outfit, including the Steve Madden look-a-like boots? Only $68!!!  Now that's dressing on a budget!

It always makes me laugh how women's magazine's advertise "affordable" looks, and then show me outfits that cost upwards of $350.  I've never been rich, but I've always had style.  I almost never pay full price for clothing, and I don't think that will ever change for me.

Well maybe one day when I'm rich and famous I'll buy a  Gucci Purseand some Manolo Blahnik shoes, but that's it, I swear. (probably)

Bipolar Disorder: Rapid Cycling Through Life

Pin It While I'm not really ready to get into all of the gory details of the stupid things I've done in the 10 years since my diagnosis, I thought I'd revisit this subject at least long enough to give you a little more contextual information about my disorder.

If you know anything at all about this illness, you know that there are two types of Bipolar Disorder: 

• Type I bipolars experience major depressive and manic episodes, intermixed with possible hallucinations, delusions and psychotic episodes.  
• Type II bipolars are mostly plagued by depression, along with periods of what they call "hypomania".  

In both types, episodes usually last at least a couple weeks or more, except with "Rapid Cyclers", which is more common in Type II Bipolar Disorder.  Rapid Cycling is exactly what it seems to suggest:  it means rapidly cycling through depression and mania, or hypomania.

I've seen quite a few psychiatrists in my time, and I recently found out my bipolar diagnosis was first suggested at 17.  This last one told me I simply wasn't crazy "enough" to be Type I, so he thinks I'm crazy, but not completely.  That makes me feel awesome. 

So anyway, while about 5 shrinks have agreed that I have Bipolar Type II, the last two added Rapid Cycling to my label.

My official diagnosis: Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, Type II.  

Web MD describes it very well:
A few people with rapid cycling bipolar disorder alternate between periods of hypomania and major depressive disorder. Far more commonly, though, depression dominates the picture. Repeated periods of depression are punctuated by infrequent, shorter periods of elevated mood.


I have been known to go from Happy-to-Angry-to-Hysterical-to-Crying-to-Laughing in less than 15 minutes.  

What a trip it must be to live with me, right?  Now imagine how I feel!  I absolutely hate this side of myself.  I'm a control freak, and as previously mentioned, I don't like having egg on my face.  So you can imagine what having a melt down and losing my mind in public does to me.  

Not only am I not in control, but everyone can tell.