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I went to visit an old friend the other day, she has a three year old boy. He's a cute little kid, but he doesn't listen, ever. I wondered why, and then I witnessed this little exchange: five minutes to bedtime, he grabs an apple on the table. She tells him in a sweet tone "Noooo, it's too close to bedtime, you can't have an apple right now." He smiles and doesn't move. She says: "I said no, bring it to me please" So he smiles again and brings the apple to his mouth. She says, a little more sternly: "Don't you take a bite of that apple!" He giggles, takes a bite, and runs away. She's obviously angry, but she turns to us and says: "Oh whatever, I don't feel like it."
I actually witnessed a few incidents along these lines during the day, but none so blatant as this one. I could not believe she would let him get away with this kind of behaviour. If one of my children had tried to pull that, the apple would have been swiftly taken away and the child put directly to bed. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars. I was incensed, and wanted to tell her that her inactions now would result in much bigger problems later. That she was teaching him not only that he didn't have to listen to her, but on a much deeper level, that he doesn't have to listen to authority.
It's not that I'm an expert on parenting, far from it. I can only tell you what has worked for me. When the boys were about three and four, I did way too much yelling in a day. There came a point where I couldn't even stand the sound of my own voice when I was screaming, and all it would ever get me was a headache. I was
not getting any results.
At my wit's end, I watched an episode of Super Nanny. While I had been doing time outs, I discovered that I was doing them all wrong, had been giving my kids way too many warnings and following through way too little.
I implemented her suggestions, and started seeing real results within a week. It required A LOT of effort, not letting them get away with anything meant I had to intervene often, and heard many tantrums in a short while, and believe me when I tell you that I didn't always "feel like it".
- First off, the kids were allowed only one warning. (not the seven I had previously been giving them) Not listening meant they would be sent directly to time-out.
- Second, while before I would argue and struggle to physically put the child on a chair, they now had to take their chair and go sit in the designated area. Refusal to go to time out would result in more unpleasant consequences. For both, being sent to their bedroom seemed to be the worse punishment possible at the time.
- Third, and I think this had been my biggest mistake, a timer was to be set, one minute for every year of age, and the child was to remain silent and seated for that period, or face longer time. Before this, I would argue with him back and forth the entire time, how dumb was I to be arguing with a four year old? I restarted the timer on my oldest's several times before he started to understand that misbehaving was going to get him absolutely nowhere.
- Finally, when the time was up, I'd go to the child, get down to their level, ask them if they were ready to apologize, and if they did, I'd ask them for a kiss and give them a big hug, sending them on their way with a "don't do it again". If they refused to apologize, I'd ask if they needed more time, and walk away if they still didn't answer. This would totally freak out my youngest... I'd come back one to two minutes later and start the process over again. Super Nanny's tips were dead on, and pretty soon, the question: "Do you need a time-out?" was often enough to calm them down.
is because I've been dabbling in digital illustrations, and there are so many great apps for drawing, movie making, photo editing, and more.
