How to Tell if You're Child is Evil

Pin It Ever since my son was little, I've had my doubts about him...

He used to walk by his (then baby) brother and just hit him, for no apparent reason.  When the baby would cry, sometimes... he would laugh!  These days, he gives his brother instructions he knows will get him in trouble... on purpose!

And if that's not enough to convince you there might be a problem... his head spins!!! No, OK, really it doesn't, but you were kind of freaked out there for a minute right? Right?  No? Oh. Well it's probably just because you're especially hard to freak out.  I'm sure everyone else was at least a little bit  freaked out.  Hmph.

Getting back to the subject, I've had to question myself, like many a good catholic mother in the seventeenth century: "Could my child be evil?"  

Looking at him, with his angelic blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, I had convinced myself that this just wasn't possible, but then I got his school pictures back today, and I'm afraid I can no longer live in denial:

Anyone know a good exorcist? 

HAHA!

Much Love, 

Felicia

Illustrated Short Story: Bad Things I Did To My Mother

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When I was about 7, we lived in a huge apartment complex.  

It was probably early March, when warm days start outnumbering the cold, but it's still too soon to say goodbye to winter for good.

On an especially warm day, a beautiful puddle had formed in the vast parking lot.  As I looked at it through our window, I imagined a family of ants picnicking by the lake.

I wanted desperately to go play in that puddle.  But there was a hole in my boots.

So my mom said no. 

I was very sad.  

But then my mom left!!! 

 I could play in the puddle as much as I wanted, and she wouldn't know!

I played for a long time: I splashed and splashed and laughed and laughed...

Then it was time to go back home.  I think my sister must have been watching me, because I got away with all of this rather easily.  I was pretty happy with myself.  I had outwitted my mother.  I had disobeyed her and nothing bad had happened.  I was invincible!

But my boots were wet.  If I put them on the vent to dry, she would know I got them wet.

No problem!  I just wouldn't put them on the vent.  They would just dry on their own.  Everything was fine and I was invincible again!

But the next day my boots weren't dry.  I think I stepped in water again.  Or laughed in the face of danger and defiantly splashed in the forbidden puddle again.  Anyway, my boots were still wet, and I still couldn't tell without getting myself in trouble.

This went on for a couple of days until my foot started to get sore, and I developed a strange limp:

I was notorious for faking, so my parents barely noticed...

"Why are you limping?"

"My foot hurts"

"Did you fall?"
"No.."
"Um hm, honey go play with your dollies"

This continued for a couple more days...

Until finally my Mom couldn't take it anymore, so she told me to take off my sock so she could see my foot one more time, and to her shock...

My foot was blue!!!

Of course, I was immediately carted off to the hospital:

The doctor took one look at my foot, picked up my boot, felt the wetness and shot my mother an accusatory look.  "She has frostbite.  Her foot is frozen because her boots are wet." he said very curtly.  What he really seemed to be saying was something along the lines of: "Your child has frostbite because her boots are wet, you horrible, horrible mother you!"

My mother was shocked:  "How come you didn't tell me your boots were wet?!" (to me) "I didn't know!" (to the doc).

I'm not sure what happened after that, the rest of the day is kind of fuzzy.  I know she was not happy with me, and she still quotes this day as her single most embarrassing moment as a parent.

So I would like to officially apologize to my Mom, both for disobeying her, and for making her look like the worse parent of the year.  I would also like to set the record straight:  My Mom was and still is, the best freaking mother a girl could ever ask for.

HAHA!

Much Love, 

Felicia

PS: A few precisions about this post's illustrations:

• Although this is suppose to be occurring just before the official end of winter, there isn't a trace of snow left on the ground.  Please imagine small clumps of snow scattered here and there.
• My father's head seems like it's smaller than my 7 year old head.  That's not true, my father has a perfectly normal size head, and at least a little bit of hair on it. :)  *sorry Dad, just couldn't resist throwing that in there.
• In the picture at the hospital, it almost seems as though I'm pointing accusingly at my mother.  The intent was more a shrug.  My mother looks very angry, but the expression is more shock.  Anger came after, when the doctor was safely out of eye-sight / ear shot. ;)

If you liked this post, here are some others you may enjoy:

Top 5 Reasons why Birthdays Rock, Especially Mine!
Happy vs Angry: An Illustrated Short Story by Felicia Stevenson
Rainy Weekends - Another Illustrated Short Story by Felicia Stevenson

Bank of Canada: The New 100 Dollar Bill

Pin It Leave it to USA Today to be the one's to break the news to me about the new $100 Canadian Bill.

Apparently is was released Monday by the Bank of Canada.

It seems the new bill is made of polymer.  It is thin, shiny, high-tech, and recyclable.  Not to mention nearly impossible to tear or counterfeit.  I love the nearly.  Otherwise stated, that means there are ways.  I wonder how much money this endeavour cost Canadians?

Here's a youtube video about it:  


Ugh.  Not sure I like this.  $50 polymer bills are to be out by March of 2012, with smaller denominations slated for 2013.  Wallets will need to be better secured, all this polymer based money will be slippery.

What do you think of this "advance" in money techonology?

Felicia

Remembrance Day, Forgotten

Pin It Hiyaaa... So glad you could come by... (shuffles uncomfortably)

Um, I know you were coming here expecting some great funny story, or maybe a rant, some cool thing I saw on the internet... but um, I'm feeling kind of unprepared for your visit tonight.  I got nadda.  I don't know what to talk about.  I've got 20 drafts sitting, waiting to be developed.  At least 50 more filling up my notebook waiting to be brought to life.

But tonight?  None of them feel right.  Nothing's striking my fancy.

(uncomfortable silence)

Ok, I see you're not really willing to accept this as an answer, so since I don't want you to feel that your visit here is a total bust...  I drew you a picture:

To tell you the truth, I was suppose to post it in on Remembrance Day, this past Friday, Nov 11 in Canada... but I forgot.  How's that for irony?  I didn't forget about the day, just about the post I'd planned.

I was going to use this picture, and feature the poem "In Flanders Field" by John McRae, written in 1915, during the first World War.  Better late than never they say, so here it is for you:

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

It doesn't have to be Remembrance Day, or Memorial Day in the US, in order for us to remember and give thanks for the thousands upon thousands of young men who risked or even gave their lives so that our countries could continue to prosper and that we could continue to enjoy the freedom which is the right of any human being.

If you're new around here, you might not have read my Grandfather's poetry from WWII... you should really check it out.  The artist's soul is a shared trait within my clan.

And I thought I had nothing to say.

Felicia ;)

PS: Did you know? Felicianation is ever growing, and I recently added a niche blog celebrating art in all it's mediums... check it out!  amazingartfinds.blogspot.com

If you still haven't had enough of me, you could check out these previous posts, some of my personal favourites:

I may be crazy, but you're insane!
A PSA for Teenage Girls
Passenger: A revealing look into the crazy/beautiful mind of Felicia Stevenson

Can A Player Ever Change His Ways?

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The title of this article really caugh my attention: Can a player ever truly be married? on endswithmarriage.com, written by an author who calls himself "Casper Flash Jones".  I thought is was a funny concept, and it completely inspired me to create this post.

Numero Uno: What is a player?

A player is a man who is afraid of commitment. He has no qualms about lying to get what he wants from a woman, and hops from girl to girl without worrying about their feelings, or really developing any of his own. He promises the world to get a lady into bed only to leave his conquest bewildered when he can't get his pants back on fast enough. He might carry on a relationship for a short while, but if she starts talking about commitment or bringing over too many personal effects, he'll bolt so fast her head will spin.

Dos: What makes a player? What gives him "Game"?

There are three different "Aces" a player can have up his sleeve: Good looks, Charm and Money.

• The guy with only the good looks is probably the worse. For the first ten years of his life, his mother told him how gorgeous he was. Since then, all the girls have wanted him, so his ego is way over inflated and he truly believes that he's God's gift to women, despite the fact that he's broke and has no personality.
• The guy with only the charm surprises many. This is where the Beauty and The Beast phenomenon comes in. There is truth behind the expression "charming one's pants off". He may not have the best hand, but a single ace has been know to win the game.
• The guy with only the money is probably the least trusting. He was a geek and couldn't get a girl to save his life before he was rich, and is kind of disgusted by how many women are interested in him now that he's has amassed a fortune. He uses them without a second thought, as he assumes they are using him. Gaining his trust will not be easy.

The better the hand, the bigger the player. The triple threat obviously being the biggest gamble: he's charming, he's good looking, he has money: he's every woman's dream. He's freaking Prince Charming, and he knows it.

Tres: Can a player change his ways?

Sure he can. If he meets his Cinderella. Think back to the movie. Prince Charming could marry any girl he wanted, but none suited him. They had to have a ball and invite every girl in the kingdom. Of all of the girls there vying for his attention, which girl did he want? The one that ran away, of course.

Unless this player is fundamentally unable to love, which is another set of problems altogether, he will probably meet his match at some point. The girl who calls him on his crap, doesn't give him a free pass just because he's cute. The song "When A Man Loves A Woman" is very true. When a man loves a woman, there's nothing he wouldn't do, including hanging up his player jersey to trade it in for minivan keys.

Quattro: Can you change a player?

Some women enter relationships with players thinking they will be the one to turn him. Big mistake. If you know full well you're dealing with a player, and still want to go for it, be warned: you may just end up being another notch on his belt, not necessarily his Cinderella.

Still, I know the attraction can be impossible to ignore at times, so if you must try to turn this fling into a relationship, take your time. Be independent. Don't call him, let him call you.

Some will say that this advice is like playing a game, but I see it like a cute little bunny rabbit: if you approach it too quickly, it will run away.


In dealing with players in general, it would be good to heed my dad's old advice: Walk softly and carry a big stick!

Much Love, 

Felicia

Confessions of a TV addict: A Guide to Choosing What to Watch by Day of the Week

Pin It OK, I must confess:  I watch WAY too much television.  

The invention of the PVR (personal video recorder) has taken the television watching experience to a whole new level.  Gone are the days of being limited to whatever's actually on.  Gone are the days of having to sit through endless commercial breaks.  Gone are the days of having to listen to some host drone on and on so as to get to the part of interest.  Now all you have to do is hit fast forward, and you can skip all of that.  With a PVR, you can record all the television shows you love, and watch them at your own leisure.  I have tons of children shows for the kids (who are completely spoiled and don't understand that when we go to someone else's house, you can't always just choose what you want).
I hardly ever watch live TV any more. Why would I, now that I know how much better it can be? ;)

Anyway, so I realize this is a totally subjective subject, but here are the television programs I watch and would recommend, by day of the week:

Sunday 

1. Deperate Housewives, which I only started watching last year, but the whole dead body disappearing storyline has me interested enough to keep watching.
2. Dexter: A loveable serial killer... who'd a thunk it?
3. The Good Wife: Always did love a good law show... LA Law was the main reason I was convinced I would be a lawyer from age 8-18. 
4. Drop Dead Diva:  The premise of the model (Deb) dying and being brought back in a different body (Jane) is pretty funny in itself.  The show really cracks me up, and I love how Jane acts all cute and cocky when she scores a point in the courtroom.  Can't wait to see if she can get Parker back, who was her fiancé when she was still Deb. 
5. Covert Affairs:  Piper Perabo, who you might remember from Coyote Ugly fame, plays an undercover CIA agent that seriously kicks ass.  

Monday

1. Gossip Girl:  OK, I realize I'm a little old for Gossip Girl, but I can't help it.  There's still a teenage girl trapped in me somewhere. 
2. House:  I only caught on to this craze a couple of years ago, mainly because the first time I tried to watch it I came upon an episode that started with these people in the most disgusting of places, surrounded by bugs, and ... ewww.  I got totally turned off and changed the channel.  Little did I know that each episode starts with the scene where the episode's patient get's sick/injured.  I tried it again on a day when I was bored, and was pleasantly surprised!  This man may be brilliant, but he is a world class jerk, and his jerkiness has just gotten worse this season.  While I usually find him amusing, I felt he'd sunk to an all time low when he tried to blackmail a patient a few episodes back.
3. Two and a Half Men:  While the show just isn't the same without Charlie, what could be dubbed a spin-off is still rather promising.  It feels a little like Ashton Kutcher has reprised his role as Kelso, all grown-up and with money, but he is quite funny, and I always liked Kelso. :)
4. Weeds:  A hilarious comedy-drama that focuses on a family trying to make a living off of selling marijuana.  

Tuesday (Such a busy night, good thing I have a PVR, I don't know how else I would keep up!)

1. Glee:  Yes, I'm a Gleek.  Deal with it.
2. 90210:  Yep.  Deal with that too.
3. Raising Hope:  It's a great sitcom that plays at 9:30 on Fox which I don't feel gets enough credit.  Red necks at the their very best!
4. Ringer: New series this season on the CW with Sarah Jessica Parker.  One twin fakes her own death, the other takes over her life.  Little does she know the trouble she steps in, her sister having left quite the mess behind.  Very interesting, though I don't know how long they will be able to stretch the concept!
5. Parenthood:  Possibly the best family show on television today.  I can't tell you how much I love this show. The cast is comprised of an entire family: the parents, their grown-up children, their spouses and offspring.  One of the couples struggle with a son who has Asperger's, it's incredibly well written, and very touching.  As an added bonus, there's a star studded cast: Lauren Graham from Gilmour Girls fame, Erika Christensen (Swimfan) and Craig T. Nelson (Coach).  I'm still trying to get through at least one episode without tearing up. 
6. Real Housewives of New York:  I know, I know, but it's such a guilty pleasure!!!  I love all the money being thrown around, the  total lack of class, the backstabbing, all of it.  The show was so much better when Bethenny Frankle was on it, she's hilarious.  I miss her, but I'm also happy for her that such big things have happened for her, as I felt like we were very similar creatures.