I just realized that it was my blog's third anniversary on Monday!
197 posts. 199,247 page views, as of today. This will be 198.
So much has changed since I wrote that first post. I've changed so much.
When I first started writing, I was in a very bad place, and I felt very misunderstood. I needed to express myself, and blogging was a way to set the record straight, and made me feel like I'd gotten closure in certain situations and gained control in others. There was an outpouring of love and support from the online community, and I have made some lasting relationships. One of the best parts is that sometimes, I helped someone. Comments about thanking me for sharing, my story helping, them feeling less alone. You'd think that was the best part, but it's not.
The best thing this blog has done for me is to allow me to heal. By revealing my deep-down secret to the world, I finally took away my shame, and slowly began to see myself as a person instead of a mental health disorder. From the day I was diagnosed to the day I started this blog, I had stopped being me. For close to 9 years, I walked around feeling like nothing more than a label. Damaged goods.
I have gone from being on disability with my most severe depressive episode ever to starting my own three businesses. I still dream of big things, but I've learned to accept myself, and appreciate all that I already have.
Over the past couple of years, I have started to feel this quiet contentment, like I have a good life and I'm on a good path. I'm not really sure what the future holds, but I don't really worry about it anymore either. I've adopted a very "que sera sera attitude" towards life: I'll give it my all and the pieces will fall as they will!
I want to thank my readers for your support. Your comments and our interactions on social media have helped me grow, returned my self confidence and sense of self worth and helped me discover, accept and even... Love myself. Thank you just doesn't cover it.
There will be some new developments around here soon, so stay tuned for some news :)
Today is a very sad day for me, and many others, I'm sure. The news of Robin Williams suicide by hanging has hit me hard.
I have loved Robin Williams for many many years, and the stand-up shows he did with Billy Chrystal and Whoopi Goldberg were some of my first introductions to stand-up, which is still one of my favourite kinds of comedy and has shaped my own sense of humour.
He was the main reason Aladdin was my fave disney movie for years. What Dreams May Come, Patch Adams, Jumangii, Mrs Doubfire... These are just the first few amazing movies he made that spring to mind. He was a brilliant man, and I will miss his talents greatly.
This is a somber reminder that mental health issues can strike anyone, at any time. I've been well for so long now that I sometimes forget this was me.
Remember that suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know that may sound trite, but I can tell you from experience that it is true. Reach out for help before it's too late, or reach out TO help if you feel like someone needs it.
You never know, you could end up saving a life, perhaps even your own.
My deepest sympathies to his wife, friends and family.
RIP Mr Williams, thanks for all the memories xxoo
See link below for more details on the story.
Click this link to visit my previous post on suicide, written on October 12, 2011. Three years have gone by, and I can barely remember the girl that wrote it. Check it out and find a list of 101 things to do instead of committing suicide.