Funny Friday: Our Tooth Fairy Has Been Hitting The Pixie Dust

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So it was a big week for losing teeth in this house: Tyler lost his two front teeth and Mickey lost his first tooth. (my baby is growing up so fast!)

Obviously, this means it was a big week for the Tooth Fairy also, and an expensive one!

Last time we'd lost a tooth, she never showed up to claim it, and I eventually just had to lie and tell Tyler I'd found the money stuck between the bed and the wall.

At the time, I lodged a formal complaint at fairy headquarters, and was assured that this kind of thing would never happen again.  This was our first chance to test that promise, and I really hoped she would be able to rise to the occasion,as this was a real opportunity for her to shine.

She did great on the first night, in and out without a peep, and I woke up to a smiling child proudly holding up his $2 coin.  My confidence restored, I really didn't worry on the second night, but then that fairy witch went and did it again!!!  When I saw the look of pure disappointment and utter sadness on my son's face, I was determined to have that fairy's job!  "I think that girl's been hitting the pixie dust too hard!!!" I thought to myself.  "Wait until I get a hold of her supervisor, she's toast!"  Having lost the number for fairy headquarters, I asked my Facebook friends if any of them might have it, and you will never guess what happened next...

It turns out I'm Facebook friends with the Tooth Fairy!!!  I was convinced she must have been out drinking, but it turns out she just spends too much time farming!

She was all apologetic and stuff, really trying to avoid another formal complaint.

I was like: "While I appreciate your apology, this does not fix my poor little boy's broken heart. You know, I covered for you, fed him some story about how too many kids lost their teeth this week, but this is unacceptable and it better not happen again."

Yadiyadida... She promised to show up that night and write him a note to apologize for the blunder.  She delivered on the showing up part, but completely spaced on the note.

I was not impressed,  but my son was happy, so I let it slide.

Since things always seem to happen in threes, two days later, Mickey loses a tooth during brunch.  I put the tooth aside and we continue our meal.  After we're done, I put everything away and wipe down the table.

This is when you can probably predict where this is going...

About two hours later, I realize I don't know where the tooth is.  Oh no, oh no, what are we going to do? He'll be crushed if we tell him!  I devise a plan where we'll write her a note, apologizing, that the tooth is somewhere in the house but that we can't find it.  I decide to wait out telling Mickey, just in case we find the tooth before bedtime.

So we're sitting at dinner, and a small piece of walnut falls from my salad on to the table.  I look at it and get all excited: "Barry!  Barry!  Look!!! A tooth!"  (It really is amazing how crushed up walnuts resemble human teeth.)

He looks at me, kind of skeptical, but he decides to go with it, for lack of a better plan.  So I tell Mickey to go get his little tooth holder he got from school.  He comes running back and is all "I want to put it in!!!"

I reluctantly hand it over, worried that he'll realize how soft it is.  He holds it up, examining it, and exclaims "Wow, that's a really nice tooth, huh?!" I tried to hide my laughter and agreed with him.

My first hurdle was over, but what would the Tooth Fairy think?  Would she notice the scam?  If she did, would she refuse it?  I was so worried.  It would break my heart if I woke up to Mickey's big puppy dog eyes floating with tears.

Thankfully, she came by and accepted the walnut.  She left a note,  but it wasn't for Mickey; it was for me.

"I figured I owed you one" was all she wrote.

You know, she may be a little loopy, but maybe she isn't that bad of a Tooth Fairy after all.

Wink Wink

Funny Fridays: Facebook Is Getting Desperate

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This week's funny Friday comes to you directly from my own Facebook news feed:

It seems Facebook is no longer content telling you everything your friends are doing, now they want to be sure you know everything they aren't doing!

I'm not sure I like the idea of Facebook telling everyone all the things I'm not doing...

Gasp!!! Can you imagine?!

Much love,
Felicia

Monday

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A little dark humor for you:  Just another day in the office.

;)

Funny Fridays: A Poem

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To celebrate Friday this week, I not only "painted" you a picture, but I even went all out and wrote you a poem.

"Smile, it's Friday" Painting on iPad by Felicia-May Stevenson

Another week has come and gone

All the work is finally done 

No more sitting on the bus

The weekend is upon us

Today's gonna be a great day

Because today is funny Friday!!!

Yayyyyyyyy Friday!!!!

Ps: I use the term "painted" lightly, as this image was created by using Art Studio for iPad, the best app a digital artist could ever ask for.  The best part?  There's no clean-up after I'm done.

Damn You Facebook By Annah Rondon

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If you don't know who Annah Rondon is, then you should definitely check out her blog at Red Means Go.

This Cuban girl writes it as she sees it and keeps the masses entertained with stories of her escapades as a single woman, her wildly funny views on life, and her ever amusing illustrations.

Her personality shines through her work and is really what hooks you and keeps you coming back for more.

"Damn You, Facebook" is the budding author's first attempt at self-publishing, and while the book could use some polishing, it is light and very entertaining, even causing a few "Laugh Out Loud" moments.

Her signature style doesn't disappoint, and I'd say that for $1.98, this book had less calories than a bag of chips, and left me feeling more satisfied.

  

Spambots and Captchas

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I hate captchas.  If you don't know what captchas are, they are those annoying letters and numbers you have to copy correctly to prove you're not a spambot (spam robot) before you can comment on a blog post.

I usually surf blogs from my iPad, which just makes copying captchas even harder, because they are so hard to see.

"Please prove that you're not a computer."  I'm not a computer, but apparently, I'm blind.

Sometimes I write this really clever comment, and then after 3 or 4 unsuccessful attempts at posting, I get discouraged and leave the site.

A friend of mine who recently started blogging was using the dreaded captchas, so I asked him nicely to disable them.  He mentioned that he used to have a lot of issues with spammers, but I was all "No, no, Bloggers spam filter is really good.  They go directly to spam, never actually get published!"

Well!

It's like Murphy himself heard me and decided it was a great time to apply his law.  Suddenly, I'm receiving tons of spam comments, and they are actually getting through the spam filter.

The worse part is the repetitive nature of the comments:

"Great post! I've been looking for this information for days, and you really hit the nail on the head with this one.  Also, please visit my website... something cigarettes.com"

Some are even insulting:

"Is it just me or do some of the comments on this post sound like they're coming from brain dead people? :)-  Also, please visit my site... something money solutions .com."

"There is very a lot of good infomation on this website, but you should realy check you're speling, as you make lot of mistakes.  Also, please visit my site: casino something .com."

Haha! Thanks for the tip.

So now I don't know what to do.  I want people to be able to post anonymously to my blog.  I don't want to force people to log in or reveal themselves.  Some of my posts are about depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder, I want my readers to feel free to write what they are really feeling, without fear of retribution.

So I suppose I'll keep things as is for now, but if you see a spambot comment, rest assured, it will be deleted soon.

What do you do to avoid both the dreaded captchas and the dreaded spambot?

Funny Fridays: Best Autocorrect captions of 2012

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This funny Friday is brought to you by buzzfeed.com, which has comprised a list of the 25 funniest autocorrect malfunctions of 2012.

I should warn you not to read these while you are alone in public, people might mistake you for a drunken idiot. 

This was just one of my favorites.  Be sure to catch the whole list here.

Oh, and thanks Buzzfeed.  That was awesome.

Funny Friday: Jealousy

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A recurring subject of late has been jealousy.  There's so much I'd like to say on the subject, but I'm more in a "I want to draw" phase than a "I want to write" phase, so I made you an image to tide you over until I get my butt in gear.

Every one needs to stop looking at what their neighbor's doing or has, and learn to appreciate their own blessings.

Much love,
Felicia

Kristen Stewart's See-Through Dress

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This is the see-through, nude "dress" that Kristen Stewart wore to the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part Two premiere in Los Angeles. The gown, by designer Zuhair Murad, just SCREAMS controversy. (This picture and more of the rest of the cast from Buzzfeed.)

What do you think?

-Do you love it?
-Do you hate it?
-What is it? Is it a dress, or a very fancy negligee?
-Does it seems like something wonder woman would have worn to bed?

My first thoughts were that maybe this wasn't the wisest choice for a dress given her recent tabloid "issues". It's not that I'm judging, personally, but there are a million haters out there that will just view this as another reason to call her names.

Just a publicity stunt? Perhaps. People felt that the whole affair business may have been just for publicity, which leaves me to wonder if anything is real anymore. Are they even together, or have they been pretending this whole time because it adds to little girl's frenzy about the series?

How cynical.

Any-who... Thoughts?

Funny Fridays: Stuck In A Stinky Situation

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Picture from a website with ways to get rid of the smell.

So this funny friday post pokes fun at me.

Mere moments ago, I was sitting on my front porch smoking a cigarette, completely absorbed in my iPad, when I heard the sound of leaves rustling. I looked up just as a creature popped out from under my stairs. 

At first, I was convinced that it was the black and white cat that walks the neighborhood all the time, but...

Um, no. I was staring at a real life Pepé Le Pew.

You know what? I'm a big fan of cartoon Pepé. He's very cool, but I've never really wanted to meet him in person.

How did I not smell him?!

So I freeze, and Pepé stares back. He's not moving either. "What do I do?" I wonder, since getting up and trying to head for the door might scare it, and I'd have to cross the stairs. I can't breathe, and I say a quick prayer that he doesn't decide to come up the steps.

I'm trapped.

He loses interest, turns around and saunters right back under my porch.  

Noooo!  Now I have no way of knowing if he actually left!  It's garbage day tomorrow, and they are always here bright and early, so it's imperative that I take it to the curb before I go to bed.

I took the opportunity to get back in the house, but I was sooo worried that I would scare him and he would spray under the porch... Wouldn't that be lovely?

Worse thing is, if he's still there, he could end up blocking the stairs, and I could end up stuck like a frozen turkey being held hostage by a skunk.

In other news...

This lovely creature is my new porch kitty.  He loves cuddles and purrs loudly. He gives me big head butts and shows up every morning around 8AM and leaves us at night around 9PM.  He wears a little bell around his neck, so you always know when he's around.  He reminds me of my dearly departed cat Simba, and I'm always happy to see him show up.  I'm not allowed pets here, but porch kitty gives me all of the perks with none of the drawbacks.  Except missing him on days his mom doesn't let him out to play.

Porch kitty rocks, but porch skunky is way more than I bargained for.

Romney Promises To Kill Sesame Street

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 This upcoming Presidential Election for the US has to be one of the most important in history.

I'm not even American, and I feel deeply invested in the outcome of the american people's votes this November.

You may have already read my article on Romey's views on abortion.

Let's talk about his promise during the first debate to cut all "superfluous" expenses by the federal government including PBS.

I can't help but think that his means the arts, music, and programs that help the poor and the sick.

You know, useless programs.

Sometimes, I crack myself up:

No, but really:  Think about it.

#TeamObama 

Felicia

6 Reasons To Love iBooks

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When digital books first appeared on the market, I was of the crowd that said they would never like them. 

Books are meant to be made of paper, and there's nothing like cracking the spine on a new paperback and inhaling that sweet new book smell, which is, in my opinion, even better than new car smell.

Still, with iBooks on my iPhone and now even better on my iPad, I have grown to appreciate certain aspects of the electronic book format, and here is a list of my favorite features.

1. Highlight a word and click "define" to get an instant dictionary definition, complete with phonetic pronunciation and "use in context" sentences. This has helped me immensely, especially now, reading The Time Machine by HG Wells.

2. Free Books. What's not to love about that? Almost all of the old classics are available, and many more recent novels as well. Often times the free book is the first of a series, but I've gotten into a few series this way, and the subsequent books were cheaper than buying a magazine.

3. Easy access to any book, any time. If you have iBooks, then you either have an iPad, iPhone or iPod, so the great thing is, you can download the Kindle and Kobo apps, and also have access to all of their free content. no more trekking to the book store and hoping it's still in stock.

4. Samples. With most books, you can request a sample, which is usually the first 15 or so pages of the book itself.  This way, there's no risk in trying a new author.  If you don't like the free sample, you just don't buy the book.

5. Lightweight and lit up. As much as I love a good paperback, sometimes my hands would get sore from holding it too long, and sometimes finding an adequate light source proved to be challenging. Now, I can hold my book on my lap or set it on a table, and adjust the brightness settings right from the book I'm reading, so light is now never an issue. Imagine, you can now sit in bed while your hubby sleeps and read without disturbing him.

6. Adjustable fonts.  Have a hard time reading tiny print?  No problem!  You can blow up the font size as much as you want.  This is useful for every one, but especially great for those who have limited eyesight, allowing them to keep reading even though they can't see well enough to read a paperback.

So as you can see, there are many advantages to the e-book format.  Still, it's very hard to display digital books on a shelf.

Much love,
Felicia

Creative Writing Exercise - Part Two

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If you've been following my blog, you know that I've taken on a challenge of sorts, a creative writing exercise to get me going again, as lately I've felt somewhat uninspired.

As you may or may not know, I asked followers to give me a name they like, a place and an activity with which I would write a short story.

My first installment was deemed a little cliché by some, so I will try to step out of my comfort zone and come up with something better for today... be sure to tell me what you think!

So my words are: Ryan (for a girl), Grand Bend and Playing Volleyball.

Here goes:  (As an aside, I'd like to say that as I type here goes, I still don't know what this story will be about.  It's 11:54 PM - Let's see what time it is when I'm done)

He'd met her last summer when she was walking down Main Street in Grand Bend with some of her friends.  He'd been sitting at a cafe reading the paper when he'd heard her laugh.  He'd looked up, not knowing where the melodic sound was coming from, when he'd spotted them.

They were all beautiful, he couldn't deny that.  Three of them, all tall, thin, and tan.  He could see that they were in town for the volleyball tournaments, all of them in identical short shorts and team shirts.

There'd been something about her though.  He hurried to pay his bills and hit the sidewalk just as the friends were passing by, charging straight into her, knocking her off her feet.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed.  "Are you OK?"
One of her friends had given him lip, helping her fallen friend to her feet.
"It's OK" she'd said, "it was an accident"
He'd smiled gratefully, offering another hand to help steady her.
"My name is James, and I'm a clutz." he'd said solemnly.
She'd laughed that beautiful laugh and said: "Well, James the clutz  I'm Ryan Johnson, also of the clutz clan."

Their connection had been instantaneous, and in that moment he'd thought for sure that they would be together forever.  They'd spent the week-end together, until it was time for her team to head home.  As she was leaving, he'd told her he loved her, and that he was going to move to Ottawa to be with her.

She'd been taken aback.  They barely knew each other she had said.  How could he love her?  She didn't want him to uproot his life to be with her, wasn't ready for commitment.  Refusing to take no for an answer, he'd started texting her the minute she'd gotten on the train.  Texts like "I miss you already" and "We were meant to be together" and so on.  When she wasn't responding, he'd gotten desperate "Please answer me, I'm begging you, I can't live without you" and "why won't you answer me, I am nothing without you."

At this point one of Ryan's friends had grabbed her phone and sent a nasty message: "We hung out one night on a beach, you held my hand, we kissed. End of story.  Now get some help loser, you're freaking crazy. LOL"

Ryan hadn't been happy that her friend had done that, but James had been starting to creep her out and it had stopped the incessant buzzing of her phone, so she hadn't really given it much thought since then.

James on the other hand, had not forgotten.  Since that day, he'd been choking on a seething rage that threatened to explode at any moment.  She had called him a crazy loser and laughed at him.  He really didn't like it when people called him crazy, but she'd really gone too far, laughing at him and calling him a loser.  How dare she treat him this way?  He would make her pay for hurting him.

He moved to Ottawa and found a listing for a Ryan Johnson in the dorm rooms at the Ottawa University, so he decided he would pay her a visit one afternoon.

Show her what crazy was really all about.

Hacking into the university's website so he could check her schedule and decide on the best time for his visit, he stopped in at the local hardware store to pick up some supplies. He purchased rope and duck tape, then headed to the dollar store for some candles and incense.  Slipping into her dorm room, he prepared himself for the attack.  He would grab her from behind when she would walk in, then tape her mouth shut and tie her to the bed before deciding what to do next with her.  That would all depend on whether she was good or not.

Hearing some noise at the door, he took his place and steeled himself, feeling for the hunting knife in his boots.  As soon as the person started to come in, he lunged out, but was surprised when a big burly hand grabbed his arm and James was suddenly flung over his intended victim's shoulder, landing with a loud thud on the ground.  Staring up at a big man, James stammered: "Who are you?!"

The man stuck an arm under his throat to keep him pinned down.  "WHO AM I?!?  I'm Ryan freaking Johnson and this is MY dorm room!!! Who the hell are you???"

James never answered him though.  He only closed his eyes as he realized his mistake.  How could he not have checked to make sure it was the right Ryan Johnson?  Now that bitch would go unpunished, and he'd be the laughing stock of the psych ward.

The End

So what do you think?

Do you do any writing exercises of your own?

Feel free to write your own version with the same words and send it to me via email felicia.may.stevenson@gmail.com if you'd like to guest post.  It would be interesting to read all different stories with the same words!

Much Love,
Felicia

PS: It is now 1:01 AM.  It took me exactly 67 minutes to write the story. (including a lot of hemming and awing and lots of deleting)

Funny Fridays: Parenting Fail

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LOL! Does this make me a bad parent?



(I take my kids on a lot of car rides. Because it's the only place I can strap them down without it looking like child abuse.)

HaHa!
Much love,
Felicia :)

Creative Writing Exercise: Short Story

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I asked the people of my Facebook page to help me out with a little writing exercise I wanted to try just to get my creative juices flowing.

I asked them to give me a name, a place and an activity I would then use to create a short story.

This is part one in a series, feel free to leave a comment here, and I'll try to write about it soon.

So my words today are Charlotte, Pensacola beach, and watching Football... Here goes:

Charlotte had grown up in a small town, one where it was hard to get into trouble, because every one knew who you were, and your entire family too.

She'd never really minded though, she was a star in her little hometown. Head cheerleader, homecoming queen, girlfriend of the quarterback, heck, she'd even held every starring role in the town Christmas show for at least ten years running.

High school had ended a long time ago though, and her quarterback boyfriend had hurt his knee in a dumb drinking and water surfing accident, so now he spent a lot more time watching football than he did playing it, and had become unbearable as his frustrations over loosing his childhood dreams just kept growing.

He'd been staying out later and later, leaving her alone and frustrated. This was not the life she'd envisioned when they were in high school.

He'd come home smelling of booze and smoke, and she knew where he went, because she'd found the matchbook in his pocket. It was a strip club one town over, where they went when they wanted to eat a fancy dinner or shop at a mall.

Their sex life used to be great. They could talk openly about anything, would do it several times a day some days, flirt openly all the time. Now he never noticed a new hair cut, or new clothes. Not even new lingerie.

One day when the cell phone he'd left on the counter before collapsing in a drunken stupor wouldn't stop buzzing, she picked it up.

There was a text message from some girl named Jazz. Apparently, she really hoped he'd had a good time yesterday, because she was really in to him. Wanted to know when she could see him next. Signed it with little X's and O's.

Well isn't that sweet? She thought to herself as anger and hurt stirred in the pit of her stomach. She opened the phone and nearly exploded when she was confronted by a slew of messages, to and from, all flirty, and some pretty explicit.

All this time, he'd been ignoring her, but going to someone else? Been a jerk at home but Prince Charming to some girl named "Jazz" of all things?

That was it! She'd been thinking about leaving him for quite a while now, but this was it. This was the push she'd needed. She grabbed his credit card and went online. Booked herself a beautiful trip to Pensacola Beach, Florida; first class air fare and a five star hotel.

She packed her bags and left him a note.

"Jazz texted. Wants to know if you enjoyed last night and is really excited about seeing you again.

That's good, because I'm hoping I never see you again. I've booked myself a wonderful trip on your credit card and if you dare to cancel it, I'll tell the whole town exactly where you hang out and what you did.

Won't that make Sundays at church fun?

Charlotte

PS: the irony of how much you hate jazz music is not lost on me."

After that day, Charlotte only ever went back to the small town to visit her family and friends. She met a man on the plane on her way to Pensacola Beach, and it was love at first sight, even though she didn't really know it at the time.  She'd thought he'd just be her rebound guy, but they'd been inseparable ever since, and were planing a lavish wedding for the fall.

"Jazz" turned out be Jasmine, a stripper at the club he'd been frequenting. He got her knocked up and had to take two jobs to try and support them. Turns out the tips weren't that great with a big pregnant belly; who would have known?

The end.

Thank you to Kim Sumrall for the suggested words.

Much love,
Felicia

Funny Fridays: Auto Correct Strikes Again

Pin It Another great one from Autocowrecks.com

Don't you hate it when auto correct gets all judgemental on your ass?

HAHA!  

Much Love, 

Felicia

Funny Fridays: One Dark Movie

Pin It This funny friday is brought to us by autocowrecks.com.

Funny thing is, the description is quite accurate!



Ha Ha! Much Love,
Felicia

Robert Pattinson Moves On From Kristen Stewart

Pin It Millions of girls (and boys, I'm sure!) were hoping to be the one to help R-Pat mend his broken heart after the Kristen Stewart debacle,  but seems he's already found someone new...

Sorry Girls!

Haha!

Much Love, 

Felicia

Funny Fridays: The 10 Best Ways to Tick People Off

Pin It This post is inspired by a list called HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF.  There were originally 32 items on this list, but I've condensed it to highlight the best suggestions.  


Here are the 10 best ways to make people angry, or convince them you've gone completely crazy.  Or both.

1. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
2. Practice making fax and modem noises. 
3. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing
4. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. (I must confess to having done this in the past)
5. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
6. Honk and wave to strangers. (I did this one a lot when I was younger.  It's hilarious to watch the person try to figure out who you are, or wave back just as enthusiastically and suddenly freeze as it hits them that they don't know who they're waving at )
7. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
   "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
   "What?"
   "Never mind, it's gone now."
8. Ask people what gender they are. (Warning: this one will very likely get you punched-out)
9. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. (Now, that sounds like fun!)
10. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

A person doing one or two of the items mentioned above may get away with it - either being written off as annoying or being embraced for being quirky, but if you were to pull all of these in one day, you'd probably win a one way trip to the psychiatry ward... LOL

Funny Fridays: Crazy Squirrel

Pin It Don't shoot!!!  

From oddstuffmagazine.com

Thanks stumble upon