Somebody asked me recently why I had started this blog, and what I hoped to gain from it.
before I go into details, I should probably start by explaining that I have a HUGE ego.
While I'd like to say that isn't the case, I can't help it, and I really can't deny it. I don't do well with having egg on my face. I think this stems from a childhood of being bullied and ridiculed.
Don't get me wrong though!
I do have a sense of humour, especially about myself, but there's a difference between people laughing with you at your eccentricities and them ridiculing your wildest dreams or making light of your biggest fears.
That being said, it's hard for me to put this out there, because if it never happens, then everyone will know the truth. But, here goes it:
This Blog isn't just a hobby. It's a Dream.
I have dreamt of being a published author for as long as I can possibly remember. In the second grade, our teachers organized this thing where we could read our poetry for the class, and if it was good enough, we'd get to go read it to the other second grade classes. I had at least three poems every week, and at least one of them was always deemed good enough for the tour.
For most of my adult life however, I have lacked inspiration. I've always known I was an artist, but I couldn't figure out what my medium was. I knew I wanted to write, but didn't know what to write about.
Then, a few years ago, I discovered Sophie Kinsella.
Her Shopaholics series was the discovery of a total new genre for me. Light hearted, easy to read and funny stories that could easily be called the "chick flicks" of books. The dream started to stir in me once more as I knew I had found my genre.
I've also been inspired by following Allie at Hyperbole and a half for long time: she has many followers, which was already generating revenue for her. Her latest post indicates that she's writing her first book!
She will be published.
And it started with a blog! I'm so happy for her, and I also think that if it happened for her, there's no reason why it couldn't happen for me.
So here I am. Full of ideas and brimming with inspiration. Hoping against hope that if I just put myself out there, good things will happen.
This is my dream, and it's high time I try to make it happen.
On a lighter note...
Below is just a short story of how I imagine my conversation with God would go about the fact that my dreams haven't come true yet - Not a re-enactment, just my imagination - I sadly do not have a direct line to God. Well, at least not yet. ;)
-Hi God, it's me, Felicia, are you there God?
-Yes, Felicia, I'm here.
-Oh, well, um, God, I have a couple of questions for you.
-OK, what is it you'd like to know Felicia?
-Well, um, God, I know I'm not perfect, I've made many mistakes, but I think I do my best in life, and I'm a pretty good person, right?
-Yes, Felicia, you've done some things I'm not proud of, but overall, I'd say you're a very good egg.
-OK, well, um God, if I'm so good, wouldn't I deserve good things? Like, why haven't I ever won the lottery?
-Well, for one thing, you'd don't ever really play the lottery Felicia.
-Oh. Yeah, OK, that makes sense I guess.
-Yes Felicia, what else would you like to know?
-Well, I know this sounds a little vain, but... I feel like you gave me all these various talents, like you made me very different from others and a gave me a view point that needs to be shared. I feel like I could make a real difference in the world, like I'm suppose to be known...
-Well yes, Felicia, I made you all of those things and more. What's your question exactly?
-Well, um, how come nothing's happened yet?
-The reason is very simple Felicia, I don't understand why you haven't seen it before.
-What is it God?
-Well, Felicia: you haven't TRIED anything. My powers are great and many, but how can I help you if you don't help yourself? How do you expect to be discovered if you never put yourself out there?!
-Ooooooooooooh. Right. Why didn't I think of that? ;)