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Sunday, 27 November 2011

Down Cycling: Standing on the Edge of Depression

Pin It I'm not feeling like myself today. 

Actually, it's been a few days.  

My motivation and enthusiasm are weaning.

I'm afraid I'm falling into a down cycle.  The medication I'm on is suppose to be a mood stabilizer, but I don't feel it's been doing it's job.

I don't want to go down the black hole that is depression

But I'm standing on the precipice

My head is spinning

I'm anxious, and riddled with self-doubt.  

I wonder if I'm afraid of my own potential for greatness.  

All I want to do is sleep.


  1. Felicia, I am not a doctor. I am just a fellow bi-polar mother(and mental health worker of sorts), but I have a question. Obviously you do not have to answer. You wrote that you are on a mood stabilizer. Are you also on an anti-depressant? Mood stabilizers alone can cause further and more severe downs. They are meant to lower the highs only and do not work well to keep the lows away.

    Again, not a doctor so feel free to tell me to shut up. =)

  2. You're on meds, but do you talk to a mental health professional? Sometimes these moods are the result of faulty thinking patterns and a professional can help you change the way you think. Just a thought.

  3. Felicia, I empathize with you sooo much at the moment.

    I would say get some rest but as a mum, that's like asking for Tom Cruise to make a decent movie, it's nigh on impossible.

    Agree with Kristen about mood stabilizers having an adverse effect but what works for one person may not work for another.

    At the same time, they take time to 'kick in' and this may be the case.

    Hope you get out from underneath the clouds soon. Will miss your musings till then. :)

  4. Thanks for your concerns ladies. I'll be seeing my doctor this week, I'll ask him about it. Problem is he's just a GP, and keeps sending me to a psychiatrist to get my meds adjusted, because I think he's out of ideas, or I'm beyond his level of expertise (that makes me feel awesome)

    One day at a time.

  5. If he's a GP it probably is outside of his expertise, but that doesn't mean anything bad about you.

  6. I'm sorry to read your feeling low. That downward spiral is always depressing.

    This is very well written. I love writing that is to the point, and full of emotion!

  7. Thank you so much @thebipolar project and anonymous. I appreciate your support.