Search This Blog

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

I May Be Crazy, But You're Insane!

Pin It So I've told you before that I struggle with Bipolar Disorder.

My question to you is this:  If I'm crazy, why is the rest of the world so freaking insane?!

I find myself on a daily basis wanting to offer my medication to one person or the other.

The latest person I would recommend for intensive therapy is my landlord.  Man she's a funny one, and it's not because she makes me laugh.

Dealing with her is pure torture, and you never know whether you're going to get the sweet as peaches girl or the raging psychotic.  Actually, it is kind of predictable.  She's all peaches and cream when everything's OK, but the minute there's a minor problem, she has a fit.

I visited her last week to give her some rent cheques.  She was talking to me like we haven't had at least 10 screaming matches over the last 6 years.  She actually had the gall to say to me:  "You know, I haven't raised your rent in 6 years, huh?  That's because I like you".  Good thing I wasn't drinking anything at that moment, I might have spit it out all over her desk.

She hasn't raised my rent in 6 years because she keeps forgetting about me.  My lease is up in November, and she has to serve notice by August 1 if she wants to increase me.  Seeing as most of her tenants renew in the summer, she sends all those letters out in April or May... come August, I've completely slipped her mind.  Apparently, on top of being certifiable, she's never heard of a Bring Forward system.

Anyway, I digress.  So we're sitting there chatting like we're best friends, and I mention to her that my tap is dripping in my bath tub (which I had asked to have fixed three years ago).  She's like "Oh, No problem!  I'll call you next week, we'll make an appointment, we'll get it fixed right away". Cool. I left the office, and my level of anxiety dropped as relief flooded over me that this hadn't been a bad encounter with her.  That was Thursday.

So Saturday morning rolls around, it's 10AM, and there's a knock on the door.  I'm wearing nothing but a house coat, my hair's a mess and the apartment's even worse.

I get to the door and some stranger is standing there, so I say "yes? Can I help you?"  He's like "Plumber".  I'm really caught off guard, but I open the door, and I ask him how come he's there, weren't we suppose to make an appointment?

Right away, he gets all agitated.  "What's your problem?  I'm here to fix your tap!" and more stuff I don't remember.  I get offended and ask him his name.  He raises his voice and is all "you don't need to know my name.  I'm here to fix your tap.  This is an emergency plumbing job."

I can't squelch the giggle that rises up, and I answer: "Dude, it's been broken for three years.  I hardly think this qualifies as an emergency."

Which is when he loses it, throws a few more insults my way and storms off.  I pick up the phone to call my landlord and get her voicemail, so I leave her a message.  My voice is a little shaky, I'm kind of taken aback by what's just happened.  I tell her how rude the guy was simply because I questioned why he was there without warning.

She calls me right back, so I answer and I ask if she listened to my message.  She says yes, so I continue with: how rude was that?!

I should have seen it coming, but she blows up at me.  What's the big problem with him being there?!  I tell her I just wasn't expecting him, and all I did was question him and he blew up at me.  She starts yelling at me in the phone:  "But I left you a message!"  me: "Well I'm sorry, I didn't get your message" her: "You people are so annoying! You always have to throw fits" and more stupidities.  I've been living here for 6 years and have asked for maybe 3 repairs and 6 gallons of paint.  I've paid her over $45,000 in rent (shudder), but I'm annoying... Anyway.

She keeps yelling and she's completely irrational, I don't want to deal with her and I simply say: "I don't deserve this" and hang up.

Barry tries to call her back a few minutes later, because she's usually more respectful with him (just another reason why I hate her).  She tells him again: "You guys are so annoying", so he hangs up too, since all she's doing is screaming nonsense in his ear.

She calls back, but there's no way I'm picking up, so she leaves a message:  "We still need to get this fixed, so call me back when all parties are calm, so we can figure out when's a convenient time for you".  Emphasis on the convenient, extra sarcasm on top.  Her voice is super shaky still from being so far gone in her own head.  I thought it was funny she was telling us to calm down.  Whatevs.

So I wait until much later, and I leave her a message, asking if Monday at 10 would be a convenient time for her plumber.  Please confirm.  Monday morning comes around: no word.  I feel anxious as I watch the clock until it hits 10AM, but there's still no news.

At 10:15 the phone rings, and I answer, resolved to be calm, despite the fact that I already feel agitated.  I just know this isn't going to go well.  Within seconds, she starts in, and this is how our conversation went:

Princess: "I just want to know why it was such an issue for him to fix your tap on Saturday?"  
Me: I wasn't expecting him, that's all, and when I asked him..." she cuts me off: 
Princess: "But I left you a message"
Me: "Well I listened to your message, and you asked if you could come by Friday, and asked me to call you back.  I never got your message and didn't call you back, and you never said anything about Saturday."
Princess: "Well why did you have to make such a big deal then?"  getting irate.
Me: "But I didn't make a big deal.. You guys did."  So she loses it again and starts yelling some more.  I couldn't tell you what she yelled, because I instantly said: "OK Bye!" and hung up.

At this point, the anxiety and adrenaline are coursing through my veins and my heart is beating harder than I've ever felt it beat before.  This chick is seriously bad for my blood pressure. Has she completely lost it?  Does she not see that she's in the wrong here?  We had said we'd make an appointment.  I mentioned I needed at least a day's notice.  She said no problem.  Then she sends some obnoxious jerk to my door on a freaking Saturday morning, and gets hyper offended when it turns out he couldn't have come at a worse time, and that I don't appreciate what a douche he was to me.

She calls back!  I refuse to answer, because while I've had screaming matches with her in the past, I've long since resolved that she's just a psycho biotch and it's not worth the energy that's required to fight with her.  

This message is what has convinced me, once and for a all, that I may be a little crazy, but this girl is freaking insane:

"Ya, Felicia, like I just wanted to let you know, that like, I don't appreciate being hung up on.  Like, you hung up on me Saturday, and then your man did, and now you just did it again.  Like, that's so disrespectful. I just can't believe like how immature you people are.  You guys really need to grow up.  You're so disrespectful and this is so high school.  You really need to grow up and learn to respect people."

WTF? PFFFT HAHAHAHAHA!  Now that there's funny, I don't care who you are (reference to Larry the Cable Guy, if you didn't get that).

I'm not responding to her.  I refuse to lower myself to her level because arguing with an idiot is idiotic.

You know what?  The stupid tap's been dripping for three years.  It can just keep on dripping.  Even if it's costing me $10 a month in hydro, it's $10 well spent not to have to deal with her insanity.

It helps preserve mine.

Much Love, 


  1. Hilarious post. I can't stop laughing. Very cleverl

  2. Hello Felicia,

    This is just another example of the saying that only 10% of people with mental issue are diagnosed and treated. Also, the least insane people are always the ones who happen to know they are insane....

  3. il est temps que tu déménages...quand même drôle ce sujet...à inclure dans un sit-com éventuel...
    mononk tsé

  4. Lol mononk!!! Ah que oui que je pourrais ecrire in sitcom avec touted les niaiseries qui m'arrivent!!!!