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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Battling Depression - The Waiting Game

Pin It I'm here, somewhere.

I don't know what's wrong with me.  I want to blog.  I need to blog.  Yet I can't seem to drag my derrière to my pc.

I know you deserve better, as my readers.  I know I need to be more disciplined if this is to amount to anything.

I've been tired.  Riddled with anxiety, about everything, and nothing.  I've been irritable.

I'm usually so happy at this time of year.

I picked up my new meds today.  On top of my 200mg of Lamictal, I'm now on 150mg of Wellbutrin.  I got upset with the pharmacist because she insisted on knowing why the med was prescribed.  In all my years taking meds, I've never had a pharmacist ask such a question.  When I wouldn't tell her at first, she threatened not to fill my prescription, stating that she had to make sure the doctor wasn't mistaken.  She went on to arrogantly tell me that she catches doctor errors on a regular basis.  Hey, maybe it's true, but to act like she's better than doctors, and to insist on knowing my diagnosis?  It's an anti-depressant, what else do you need to know?!

I hate the waiting game, when you first start a new medication. Waiting to see if you will develop any weird side effects.  Waiting to see if it's efficacy, if any.

I hate being trapped in my own head, it's a bad place to be sometimes.

I'll kick myself into gear.  I'll start blogging regularly again.  It's good for me.



  1. Hello Felicia,

    This probably the post that sounds the most like me, and if my kids read it they would agree. I often have a need to blog, got a whole bunch of subjects I want to rant about (some of them good rants) but the lack of energy brought on by the depression and whatever else just stops me from doing it.

    Good job on writing this post.


  2. One time I had a pharmacist shouting to me from waaaay behind the counter about my Abilify. I was horrified. Yeah lady, let's just tell everyone here I'm picking up my ANTIPSYCHOTIC! It's been known that people take Wellbutrin to lose weight because it curbs your appetite but had your pharmacist looked at what all you are taking, putting two and two together really does make four. Asshole. I know what being trapped in your own head is like. You should visit mine sometime. I hope you get better sooner than later.

  3. Hi Pamela,

    Used to be people did not know what drugs were for. I miss those days.

    BTW I am posting as anonymous because I can't log in at work!


  4. Oh Felicia, I'm right there with you. I keep looking at everything I write and thinking it's all a bunch of crap.

    Being trapped in your own head is often a nightmare but periodic bouts of blogging about how you feel may help. Don't in any way, put pressure on yourself to post regularly, it's not like any of us are going anywhere. :)

    Take good care of yourself and hope that you feel better in time.

  5. thank you so much for all of your support and kind words... I have to admit I get kind of nervous now when I see comments from "Anonymous" in my email LOL

    I looked up the side effects of wellbutrin before getting my prescription filled, wanting to know if it caused weight gain, but I was kinda happy to see that it can lead to weight loss! I refuse to go on any med that could make me gain weight...

    I'm still pissed at the pharmacist, for how condescending and arrogant she was, I won't be getting any more prescriptions filled. I felt she was insulting both to me and my doctor, and that she really could have figured it out by reading my file. grrr

  6. For some reason, in Kansas, the pharmacist always asks if you're taking Wellbutrin to quit smoking. They asked me that every time I picked it up. Don't know why. It was for depression. I actually liked Wellbutrin. Not because it helped the depression all that much. But it increased my sex drive :) That was kind of fun. But I discontinued it anyway.

    Hey, don't worry about blogging so much. I have you on subscription. I will know when you post. I write only twice a week on my most heavily-written site. That's all I have time for. My other sites are once a month at best. It's okay. That's what subscriptions are for. Nearly every blogger I know already posts too much.

  7. Thank you Fred, your kindness is very touching.

  8. Thanks for sharing your experience,
    I thought it was only me who got pharmacists shouting at me (and friends who are pharmacists too).
    I've enjoyed reading through your older blog posts as I've not long found you. You write very well and as Fred said, subscription is helping me keep up!