I was first medically diagnosed with depression at the age of seventeen, thanks to a girl at school who'd been there and recognized the signs in me.
But I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life. In fact, for as far back as I can remember.
When I was younger, I put my parents through hell trying to deal with my depression.
Nowadays, I tend to retreat when the dark times come, as I don't want to burden anyone with my sorrows.
I mean, who likes a Debbie Downer, right?
I originally wrote this April 7 of this year, I think it represents my struggle well, and I must say, I like the way I wrote it, so even though it's a little dark, I've decided to share it with all of you.
There’s a passenger that travels with me all of the time;
a negative entity that threatens to devour my soul
For years it has followed wherever I have gone,
and while it’s been quiet at times,
perhaps even dormant,
it always returns to haunt my waking dreams
Darkness that wraps me so tightly it takes my breath away,
and as all light slowly disappears,
my sight narrows, and all beauty and joy fades away,
eclipsed by the shadows of my sorrows
Then there’s another side of me,
one that's dying to be set free;
a positive being that knows its own worth
One that sees the pain in this world
and wants desperately to ease it’s misery;
a creative force that sees beauty in every person and in every thing,
but still hasn’t found the medium to express its message
I am split down to my core,
as the light of life and darkness of death fight for my soul,
and while my spirit is trapped in this body,
my essence is not of this world
So I continue to struggle with my duality
as I try to find my path
or await my turn
to dissolve into nothingness.
I know it may be hard to understand, but this is my reality, and all the more reason why I need the support of my friends and family in this venture I've undertaken.