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Sunday, 11 September 2011

Passenger - A revealing look into the crazy/beautiful mind of Felicia Stevenson

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I was first medically diagnosed with depression at the age of seventeen, thanks to a girl at school who'd been there and recognized the signs in me. 

But I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life.  In fact, for as far back as I can remember.  

When I was younger, I put my parents through hell trying to deal with my depression.

Nowadays, I tend to retreat when the dark times come, as I don't want to burden anyone with my sorrows.

I mean, who likes a Debbie Downer, right?

I originally wrote this April 7 of this year, I think it represents my struggle well, and I must say, I like the way I wrote it, so even though it's a little dark, I've decided to share it with all of you.  

There’s a passenger that travels with me all of the time;
a negative entity that threatens to devour my soul  

For years it has followed wherever I have gone,
and while it’s been quiet at times, 
perhaps even dormant,
it always returns to haunt my waking dreams

Darkness that wraps me so tightly it takes my breath away, 
and as all light slowly disappears,
my sight narrows, and all beauty and joy fades away,
eclipsed by the shadows of my sorrows

Then there’s another side of me,
one that's dying to be set free;
a positive being that knows its own worth

One that sees the pain in this world
and wants desperately to ease it’s misery;
a creative force that sees beauty in every person and in every thing,
but still hasn’t found the medium to express its message

I am split down to my core,
as the light of life and darkness of death fight for my soul,
and while my spirit is trapped in this body, 
my essence is not of this world

So I continue to struggle with my duality
as I try to find my path
or await my turn 
to dissolve into nothingness. 

I know it may be hard to understand, but this is my reality, and all the more reason why I need the support of my friends and family in this venture I've undertaken.  


  1. Feed the beauty that is your true essence, starve the negative entity, and know that you are not alone. Your feelings of seperation and aloneness are part of a grand illusion. Others who are also lost in this illusion tend to confirm your false beliefs. Break free from the illusion which is the dark cloud that consumes you. You are perfectly imperfect beauty. Inside your deepest core, I know you know you are blessed with many gifts. You're deep knowing that you were meant to do great things is the truth. I saw this in you as a very young child. Don't let those lost in illusion convince you otherwise, or the world suffers a great loss. Your path is to first learn how to honor your body, mind, and spirit. This path leads to the discovery of your own sacredness at which point you will find profound love for yourself. This is when you can truly embrace your destiny and allow those of light who are here with you, to flow through you. You are starting on the right path now by honoring your creative expression.

  2. Thank you so much for your kind words, I don't think anyone's ever said anything so nice to me. I can feel that I'm on the right path, and I think great things will happen. Or at least I hope they will ;)

  3. je me reconnait beaucoup dans tes paroles... tu sais que je vis avec la depression et l'ansiété depuis longtemps moi aussi et c'est difficile de faire comprendre aux personnes autour comment c'est pas volontaire de notre part, on ne fait pas exipres de se retrouver coincé, en peine et en peur! merci de me permetttre de partager ton texte! si ça peut aider au moins une personne à comprendre, tant mieux!!!! et sinon, et bien merci de le vivre avec moi, on s'entend, je ne le sougaite pas à personne, mais ça fait toujours du bien quand on est dans une moins bonne periode de savoir qu'on est pas seule au monde et que quelqu'un qui vis la meme chose que nous est dans une bonne periode et qu'on aura notre tour bientot!!!
    je t'aime mon amie xox

  4. merci ma belle, ça me fait du bien tes paroles. Moi aussi, c'est bon de savoir que je suis pas la seule! et moi aussi je t'aime xx

  5. I dont speeck that lenguage i speeck english sorry